It's October 1st! My favorite time of year has finally arrived. Can you say pumpkins, autumn colors, rain! There is just something so warm and comforting about the Fall and Winter. For the first time, since we moved here we experienced heavy rain. We got caught in the Subway restaurant, because of the rain. It was amazing to sleep to the sound and that cool chill.
The husband was in a nice mood when he got home, but I kept my distance. I was waiting for a sincere apology. Things were fine until we got back home from Subway. He said he had to go outside to get his sneakers before they got wet. He left the stove on, and me with the boys. He just disappeared. When he came back in a long while later, he seemed to be acting strangely. I think he joined the guys at the table outside, who were drinking. He claims he didn't drink but I really can't trust him to tell me the 100% truth.
He was supposed to be watching the baby, when I went into my room. He had plopped himself down in-front of the t.v. and just ignored what was going on around him. The baby crawled all the way to my room. So, naturally I picked him up and took him to the hubby. He actually got upset and started telling the kids to get dressed because he was taking them out. It's his usual way of psyching my out, to think he's going to leave with the boys. When I asked him about it, he got more upset. Long story short, things got near physical with me. He got into my face, he shoved me, he pulled me out of the way when I tried to get to the baby. He was playing head games with me. I took the babies and went into my room where I locked the door. I thought about calling the police to talk to him, but I didn't.
I had wondered why I hadn't cried over all this. I wasn't sure why the tears weren't coming with all this problems but I don't have to ask. I broke down and my babies hugged me. He apparently left the house, but I think he heard me crying and instead went to his room. I found a note of apology, on the floor near my door. I hung it up on the fridge. In the morning, he came into my room and kissed the boys before heading off to work. He said he knew I wouldn't forgive him, then he kissed my forehead and looked sad. He went off to work.
He keeps showing me more and more that this situation is not being taken seriously. He really doesn't see how bad things are getting because he is so deep in denial. He isn't making any serious efforts or attempts to fix things. Most of all, he isn't doing it for the kids. A note, an i'm sorry, it means nothing without the the action. It's just all talk.
I'm broken-hearted.
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