The "D" Word

Is this what it has come to? I know I shouldn't start a post off with a question, but off the top of my head that's what I get. I have been married for 3 years and 4 months. Together we have a family of active boys. Our love story was a quick one. We met in college, we dated for 6 months, were engaged for 2 months, got married, and was pregnant the next. It was all very quick but we weren't worried about that. We were in love, and that was what we wanted. I had remained single for 9 years before that, no dating. I was fine, I wasn't looking.

Marriage to me was what I had growing up. My parents were great, with or without the struggles they faced. When my Dad passed away, my Mom had been his nurse and stayed by him. My Dad fought to be with us. He loved us so much. Their love is something you rarely find. They never gave up on eachother. Even though my Dad has been gone for some years, my Mom has never let that love go and I believe my Dad is always with her.
 So, divorce was not an option for me. Not because my family said, "no" but because I was determined; am determined, to make it work. The saying however, that it takes two to tango applies here. I can't be the only one willing to try, change, work for our union to pass the test of time. Right now, I don't know where we stand. I've moved out of our bedroom and into a room of my own. I have asked him to leave twice already, with him actually leaving once. We've had screaming fights, said hurtful things. I frankly can't say how much I trust him to be honest with me anymore. He's lied to me several times with a straight face and a promise to God. I; on the other hand, I am brutally honest with him. He takes issue with my oldest son, pushing him away. He has a bad temper, that leads to near physical confrontations with my teen. My son says he hate's him. Our first born together; now 2 used to worship him. That changed drastically when he began showing his temper and acting aggresively toward the boy's terrible two tantrums. He can't handle the noise, crying, the being "bothered" when wanting to watch t.v. or sleep. He critizes my weight, tells me I don't know how to dress and what I need to dress in. He gets angry when I use phrases like.."I told you a million times." He has expectations of us, the house, the world I guess, that is not full-filled. He takes so much pride in how he looks to certain people, that if our children throw even a minor tantrum, or I say the wrong thing he is embarrassed and he will only show it through closed doors. Everything needs to be hidden. He loves himself, his car, his job, his friends/co-workers, too much.

Work doesn't always pay by the dollar

I don't have a paying job, I am a stay-at-home mother. I work all day cleaning our home, raising our children, preparing them for pre-school, arguing with my teen and listening to his complaints about what other kids can do and he can't, and how rules suck. I try to fit a nap in, but that's dangerously impossible because if one of the boys get up before I do who knows what he will get in to. I try to motivate myself to excersise, so I go on walks with the boys. I'm so tired, that most times I skip out and find it easier to eat something sweet to make me happy. I shy away from parties, but I love to take the boys on family trips. I love the reaction of the kids when they see the ocean, the boats, or large trucks. Going to the store to buy art or items for the house is fun. I love decorating every detail, a clean house, the holiday excitement, and birthdays. The kids and I cuddle up and read or we dance to " Imagination Movers." I get up at 2:30 in the morning to have time to myself and even then I'm still on FT Mommy duty.

He's like a Chameleon, always changing.

The husband and I have become a contrast. We can't see eye to eye, and I don't know if we really love eachother anymore. He looks at me with irritation, disgust, and boredom. I stay away from him. He likes to control everything, and ignore me. I let him do it, and I can't anymore. I know the right thing is to move forward with our lives and concentrate on the boys. Our lives, our "personal" lives needs to change. He needs to check his priorities and get some anger management. I need to find the strength inside to leave him alone.

Livin La Vida Loca...sort of



LOV3



What a day! I should have seen the Full Moon coming. Things just wouldn't go right today! Well, I can't say it was that bad, but the boys were really out of control. I'm so glad it's the weekend and my hubby is home. I'm looking forward to spending some quality time with him. It was so nice of him to take the family out for pizza. Poor guy was exhausted, but his efforts are sweet...and I got the hug I was waiting for all day!





"Go through the house and introduce your self slowly"



What is it going to take to get this house in order? It's crazy how I can wake up at 7:am and still have a trashed house at 4:30pm. Ridiculous. This has become a habitual routine for this family, and i'm not pleased. I had hoped to get the house looking so incredible that when the guys got home they would be surprised. It seems even that has worn out it's welcome. I know it needs a few touches of things here and there. It's needs a little TLC. In the movie; "Under the Tuscan Sun" Diane Lane's character narrates a part where she talks about introducing yourself to the home. Slowy getting to know it and letting it get to know you. It's true. When we moved in, it was so fast. Now, we are possibly moving again. I'll need to keep this statement in mind for the next one. It's not that this house has anything "wrong" with it, it's that it's in an area of the island that is very, very hot and humid. Not to mention, there is a lot of construction going on what with the new gymnasium and few new homes that the place; not just the house is covered and littered with red and black dust. I so miss carpeting, I need to request that for the new place. I hope that place is not a bad deceision.

With Halloween right around the corner, i've been thinking about costumes and decor. My 2 year old has the costume idea covered. I think i mentioned before that buying elaborate and costly costumes were out. We are gonna try face-painting. "Confetti on the Go" does a great job using a easily removable powder based makeup. The kids get in the shower and the makeup just comes right off. We are looking at a family of superheroes. Look out everyone, here comes WonderMom!



Yummy!

 I haven't stuck to my plan for eating. I ate white rice, I had oily soup, I ate ice cream, chocolate, hot dogs, soda, and pizza with oil, lots of cheese and salt. Bad Girl! I feel like i've gained weight. I'm not happy with myself for that. I need to excersise more will-power. This is not going to be as easy as I thought. This weekend's grocery trip is going to be a low snack, high produce trip. It's good for the whole family. The heat I talked about, is going to be my extra weapon to getting a sweat induced workout. Grab that belly bandit, turn up that volume and let's get loud!





Here's to a romantic weekend....I hope.





Life is Tweet

   

 Lately, I have become a Twitter fan. I'm not sure i'm using it correctly but I must be doing something right. I'd say I've graduated from Facebook to Twitter. Tweeting is so much fun, and a great way to keep up with some of my favorite shows and celebrities. My husband can't understand this. He is just not into these forums and outlets. That's fine with me. He's pretty traditional and that's his prerogative.

 
Today marks the first day (again) that I take that bold step to controlling my weight. I am cutting out bad carbs, cheese, salts, sugars, high oil contents, high fat contents, and rice of all types. This definitely going to be a challenge because I find absolute pleasure in foods; like desserts. I'll need to really pull out some will-power. However, I notice that when I really get into my excersise I don't feel like I want to eat so much, and I crave less. This will come as a big announcement to my husband, but I think we should do a 4-5 mile walk or hike this weekend. We did it once with his company for a Heart Health benefit. To get him to do it for personal reasons is going to prove difficult.


Just a pic off the web.


 Fall is here! I love the Autumn season and all it's colors. We don't get much of a change here in Hawaii, but you can feel some difference. I'm already gearing up for Halloween. I've added some hauntingly cute window clings, and an orange tablecloth, and pumpkin. I usually do a Jack-O'-Lantern but i'll pass on it this year. I found a ceramic traditional pumpkin at Ross for only $4.99! It's cute and is perfect for all Fall holidays. I'm sure one of my littles will expect to be dressed as Spiderman this year. If we can get his face painted instead of the expensive (use once) costume, it would be such a money saver.    
  
 Today I have to beat the mess. I promise you, nothing stays immaculate for more than 3 days. I guess I shouldn't expect immaculate, just if you can't see it it's clean. I just can't do that though. I have to clean every inch and detail for me to really have that "ahhhh." moment. My husband does not agree. His version is clean quick, get it out of the way, deal with the excess later. To make things a little more difficult, I have a guest coming in the late-afternoon. Better start speed cleaning, dolls!


Here's To Another Cup of Coffee!